11 Ways to Spot a Skunk in a Suit

 

Lately, I have had much cause to ruminate on one of the many wisdoms of one Gladiola Montana as contained in her better-than-most-selling little book Grit and Gumption. This particular literary profundity highlights the big discrepancy there exists between some men’s actions and their words. It certainly makes nonsense of another old British stupidity that Manners Maketh the Man. Gladiola’s gullibility just didn’t extent to that kind of perilous generalisation.  She saw it simply thus:  Just because a man is polite, does not mean that he ain’t a low down skunk.

Indeed.  I myself, Marietjie Botha-Buthelezi, have met more than a few such men right here on the country’s prime Security Estate; men whose very politeness sends chills down – and back up again – my spine, and leaves it tingling with persistent warnings long after they have gone, reminding me that characters do not always have a character.

This manners-for-causes syndrome is rife today not only amongst trashy-going-for-gold types, but also amongst the most pious-acting politicians, businessmen and clergy (yes, evil can have an innocent face too). And let us not forget the sludge-dredgers without-power-to-abuse-but-getting-there-fast lot.

Ah yes, these polite men whose “fine” manners disguise their true agendas and veil the hands they are about to deal others.

Now, being one streetwise woman, I know only too well that the way a man speaks and dresses only tells you what he wants to be – not who he is.

And since I have moved on to this so-called prestigious Estate, I have been positioned rather well to make a veritable anthropological study of the Skunk-in-a-Suit species.

In the process, I have rather honed my skunk-detecting abilities to the point where I might actually be a little hard on these guys (trying-to-be-men-people). Still, having seen firsthand the damage a Skunk can inflict, I don’t take a chance. The way I see it, is thus: If his manners are false, then I don’t have to waste mine. When my skin starts crawling with warning signs, I cut the dude dead before he can try and flatter me with calculated pleasantries. And so should you.

That is why I am happy to share with you some of the most common tell-tale signs that the ‘nice gentleman’ you have just met, is probably a Supreme Skunk (even if, in fact, especially if, he is your charming neighbour on the country’s top Security Estate):

• His manners are literally too good: his face is too open with “innocent  earnestness”; his handshake is too firm with “character”; he looks you too straight – and too much — in the eye; his laugh is too hearty, his frankness, well…too frank…;
• The intensity of his “good” manners increases proportionally in accordance with the degree of manipulation he judges necessary to manage a particular opportunity, i.e. you or your money or both. His eyes positively glitter with triumphant anticipation when he thinks you are not looking at him;
• He under-informs you on matters that may expose him unduly and over-informs you on issues that you don’t want to know anything about. Yes…sticking to your point, is not his strong point;
• He gushes with inappropriate and undeserved compliments. For instance, my behind is big – by any culture’s standards. So, when a guy tells me I have a cute behind, I know without a doubt that he is a lying Skunk;
• He agrees with every inane utterance you make and pretends to know what your are talking about — even when you don’t;
• He promises you everything he thinks you don’t have so that he can have everything you do have;
• He tells you that he is trustworthy/ that he is a deeply religious, that he is profoundly spiritual/ that…Blah, blah, blah.  Believe me, if he really were any of those things, he would not have to point it out, would he, now?
• Quite often, he will portray himself as one of life’s hapless “victims” and will regularly lament the “unfairness” of life. In the process, he will introduce you verbally to all the bastards and bitches he has had the misfortune of knowing. Whenever you feel tempted to feel sorry for him, just remember: when you don’t give him what he wants, your name will be added to that list of bastards and bitches who had it in for him;
• He will not take direct responsibility for actions that need to be taken, but would rather try to manipulate others into doing what he thinks he would benefit from most if there is a positive result and suffers from the least if there is a negative outcome;
• By the same token, he can’t handle direct confrontation. Even when offended to duelling-point, he will find a cop-out so as to not have a showdown that could unmask his true nature; and
• He is psychotically unwilling to commit himself to a bottom line.  Oh, he has lines a plenty – but never a bottom line.

These are just a few of the Skunk Indicators I have space for in this posting.

Maybe the most important thing to remember is that when you are with human skunk, he ain’t going to smell.

That is not how Skunks work.

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